We're facebook friends in real life
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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