and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
