I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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