i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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