So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
