You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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