Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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