So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
