So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
