i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
