The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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