Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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