y did u give ur computer a hand job?
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
did i walk over a car last night?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
