why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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