i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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