So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
