thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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