so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
