i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
