uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
