Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Im part way to drunk.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
