Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
