Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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