so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I deserve this hangover.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
