You're so nebulous sometimes
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
