Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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