Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
