First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
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