Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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