went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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