high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
