no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
