Rock
Scissors
Fuck
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
