I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
