why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
