Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
