This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Semen is not good for contacts.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
