Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
