I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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