I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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