A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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