"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
