I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
