doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
