He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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