I didn't shave. On purpose
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
