i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
