So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Randomize
