woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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