a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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