he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
